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Well, for those who might like to know, I've had a big and PAINFUL weekend.
As well as never drinking again, I have sworn off the naff sport of hill-climbing (until next time)
My weekend began with alcohol (as it should), and got worse (as it should):
FRIDAY:
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Waterside Productions, Big Brother Party
Invited by the guys at *Navyblue.com (*NOT a gay bar), to meet the team and y'know, "network".
Arrived at 6:30, no-one there yet, so made friends with the bar staff (always a good idea)
Drank myself stupid all night, during which, I:
(1) Learned the social relevance and value of "*BagPuss" (*NOT a dike bar) (Click on Photo above for more info.)
(2) Created some new dance moves(sadly) and almost broke my arse.
(3) Discovered that effective freestyle-rapping is NOT in direct proportion to the amount of Tennant's lager consumed.
(4) Effectively avoided the drunk "gis-a-cuddle" podium dancing office manager
Left at 4am after a final, back-by-popular-demand encore rap with two of the editors.
NEVER DRINKING AGAIN...
SATURDAY:
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Wandered the streets of Edinburgh with Dan.
I was sure I knew how to get to The Oz Bar.
Dan was sure he knew.
Neither of us knew.
Decided to adopt the tried and true technique of wandering forever aimlessly.
Found Oz Bar - not to be confused with *Bar Oz - (NOT a gay bar for Munchkins)
Settled in to watch South Africa obliterate the Wallabies.
Suffered aditional humiliation of being outnumbered by Saffas 3 to 1 in an Aussie pub.
Suggested name change to JoBar, grimaced at by monstrous Saffa, who handed me a Castle Lager (ptooie!)
Post defeat blues set in and we decided to drown our sorrows with a good dose of quality cinema. Saw Swordfish instead.(great explosions, cool helicopter scene, oh, and Halle Berry's boobs, bah humbug)...
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SUNDAY:
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Highland Hill Walking with Dan and a scottie mate Davey.
Got a train to Blair Athol at 9am.
Rode bikes for an hour uphill along a rattly riverside track.
Saw VERY rare red squirrel (had it's baby in it's mouth - cool!)
After our arse-breaking ride, we proceeded to walk, slide & stumble up a huge green feckin hill for the next two hours.
The whole purpose of this was to look at things that we could already see, (pretty valley, sheep, river etc) from a MUCH higher and further away vantage point so that they looked smaller and cuter.
After our decent, I got "thistled" (which still kinda tingles) after which, we had to walk barefoot across a slippery highland river 'cos the bridge that was on the map wasnee on the ground.
Made Dan promise to buy beers forever as the river crossing was his bloody idea.
NEVER HILLCLIMBING AGAIN...
Am now completely wrecked - everything hurts.
Fell asleep in the bathtub last night.
Feel like warmed up shit today - I think I have pneumonia...
Am broke, jobless, soon-to-be homeless and very, VERY sore, but loving it all the same.
wish you were here,
cheers,
matty
PS> Below is a pic (old of course) of Tennents lager, Scotland's no.1 lager.
(Can you believe they DON'T have a website?)
Anyway, in the '60s, sales of Tennents was a bit slow, so they came up with the BRILLIANT (and nicely tacky in a Benny Hill kinda way) idea of putting piccies of "page 3" girls on the cans!
This is the ONLY reason I drink the stuff, not that they have the photos on the cans anymore, but as a mark of respect towards one the greatest, cheesy marketing gimmicks of all time...
more info on the "Tennents Lager Ladies" page below... Lager Ladies 
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